The One About Marriages and Timing
From the Jul 26, 2006 post ...
I always believe in His perfect timing. Like my last visit to New Creation Church (the Rock), He wanted me to listen to this specific message, and He scheduled me nicely to be at that service at that time, which the pastor just came back from his oversea trip and I was blessed.
Indeed, every encounter/meeting is not by chance. And sometimes to you seek to be edified, you hunger for the Lord, and the Lord let you to a place, a meeting, an encounter, but instead of just being blessed, you later found out that He led you there to edified others too. That was what happened to me two weeks ago.
Met up with my old school mate since primary six, during what was to be my last weekend in Singapore, while visiting her church at Cornerstone Community Church. I was still seeking the Lord for answer how I was to move on in a certain aspect of my spiritual walk, and I was blessed by the guess speaker that Sunday. And after the meeting, managed to catch up with my friend and let me to write the following to her.
Praise the Lord for He is the Master of all plans.
kuancheen|singapore-kuala.lumpur|20060709-26
... "... seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you ..." Matthew 6:33
Hey,
Been thinking since we met, then was bogged down by work till now, more than two weeks after we met, only managed to finish this. This might be a bit long, but hope you will read on. I was wondering whether I should be writing you this or just keep it to myself. I hope what I am about to say will be an encouragement or an affirmation if you have already heard if you have heard it before.
Marriage does seem to be on your mind lately, doesn't it? During our meeting, you been asking questions like "Who is marry next?" and "Who got girlfriend/boyfriend?". Hey, it's normal, just like you cheekily put it that we are both at our "marriable" age, so it's only normal to ask. I have to agree but with a pinch of salt.
It was a blessing to catch up with you after all these years, albeit we actually met up last year, and finally get to meet up with your fren from your cell. I have to admit that I kind of forgotten about him from the mail till you reminded me. Though, it was subtle (but maybe not subtle enough :P), I sensed that you both are more than just friends. Although there is an urge for me to ask, but it never been me to snoop around. I respect others right to tell when they are ready and when they want to. And if it isn't meant for me to know then it's fine. So I kept to myself.
When we ended up at your church's bookstore and I overheard your conversation with your friend who was working there. Hey, I really didn't meant to eavesdrop, unless you did it on purpose :P This was why I struggled to write this lest you think what kind of 'kei po' (busybody) am I. I did not overhear much though, was actually trying hard not to listen, hehehe. But I did catch the part about getting your parents' blessing.
I want to encourage and commend you on your desire to honour your parents.
Sometimes our own families and especially our parent who are the biggest hurdles we have to get through. They are the ones who witness almost every moment of our lives. They are the ones we grow up and around with. They know us better than anyone else and at the same time we think we know them all too well. We live together long enough to know how they will react and how we will react. Sometimes these perceptions raise the barrier even higher, because or some past hurts or disappointments we even build up our own walls.
It has been two years since my last (first, and still me one and only) relationship. We both have since moved on and I even attended her wedding last May. At first it was hard for me to take it in. I questioned Him for ending a relationship which grew for four years which to a point we were ready to answer the 'M' question. But He had to end it which at that time least expected to me. The first three months was really hard for me.
But I thank Him for His strength, but most importantly His grace. It was with His grace that I did not 'disown' Him during this stage. He continued to comfort me, through His Word and the people around me. I was vulnerable at this stage, there were many reason for me to turn away from Him. But He held me on. He reassured me. Amidst those teary and hurting few months, He gave me the peace which brought me through. Now looking back, I knew it was something He needed me to go through, and I don't regret it now.
She was the one who brought me to Christ. She was the one who brought me to my wonderful family of Christ in my current church. Here is where I came to know the Lord and came to grow in Him slowly. I am grateful for the Lord to use her to find me, when I was seeking Him all the while on my own. For the four years we were together, my growth in Him have been progressive but minimal. As most couples in love, we will spend most of our time together, doing things together and not so much with Him. I spent most of my time, energy, attention on her.
Now, I understand why He wants us to be equally yoked, and just being in Christ was not enough. Though both of us are Christians (which eventually we are), but our spiritual level was not. She was form a Christian family, active in her youth and university Christian Fellowship, while I was, well, 'new'. Although, I was serving in a ministry with her, I always second best myself. It was as if the Devil was telling me, "Hey, you small Christian baby, what do you know, just keep quiet and let the adults talk and do the work.". I was not really growing.
My walk with Him was some how stagnant. He used this time of emptiness to fill me with Him. I continued on to be in the same church, same ministry as her, though I was struggling, some how He gave me the strength to 'persevere'. I got more involved in the church youth. My heart grew closer to Him. I spend more time with Him. I will constantly be pouring out to Him in worship, shedding my tears as I confided to Him. He have definitely 'soften' me up. Now, I even cry in soppy scene. Arrghhh, how had He soften my heart! Gimme back my 'manly' heart :P
He brought me into fellowship of other Christians, who I would not have the time to meet before. He brought me to cell meetings, revival meetings, youth conferences and shown me His wonderful work in His Kingdom and how He is moving through His people. It was during this journey that I was baptised with Holy Spirit. Then I found myself signed up for my first mission trip out of the country, about six months after the break up. During the trip, I was struggling to come up with a testimony to share, then He spoke to me. He woke my Spirit up and revealed this to me.
My Dear Beloved Son,
I know you are still hurting inside.
You still questioning why I letting you go through all this.
I love you more that you know.
I long to be close to you, more than you can imagine.
I long for you more than you can comprehend.
You know that I am a jealous God.
I'm jealous not because I hate you.
I'm jealous because I love you and I long for you.
There were things that you had put first before Me.
And one of them was your relationship.
I took the relationship away because I wanted to be closer to you.
While you were seeking Me, I found you.
It was through the relationship that I found you and you found Me.
But there are so much more I want to show you, there are so much more I want to bless you.
But you will need to make Me first, make Me the center of your life.
For the past few months, you have grown closer to me, compare to the four years you have been in the relationship.
I know it's hard. I cried with you each tear you shed, each lonely night you spent. I was with you.
Though it hurts Me seeing you being hurt, but it warms Me to see you grow.
You would not have been on this mission trip six months ago, it is not by coincidence that you are here.
I love these people who you are about to share as much as I love you.
This is the chance for you to glorify Me.
Go and share you struggles, your hurt, and your pain.
Testify to them that I am indeed the God who loves and longs for them.
Bless you My son.
Your Loving Father in Heaven
Well, two years have since passed, though He has healed my brokenness, the emptiness still being felt. Sometimes we might find substitutes to fill the emptiness but only for temporary. I know He have someone in mind for me, and I ought to wait on Him, but sometimes my fleshly desire just want to jump out and shout "I want it NOW!"
There are times when I meet someone I will be thinking is she the one? Lord, is she the one? Please, Lord, let her be the one. The flesh is weak indeed. It is its nature to desire every need and want to be fulfilled instantly. It is the flesh which want us to react instantly, to seize the opportunity and to act on the spur of the moment, which often end up to be the wrong move.
It is a constant struggle to hand over the control from our own flesh to Him, letting Him have full control of our lives. It is hard to have the faith to surrender to His plan and timing bring the other person He intended to us. It is about obedience and patience. Obediently and patiently surrendering to Him, knowing and trusting Him that He is in control and He has the best for us, knowing and understanding that He does not work to our human standards or timing. We need to learn to wait, wait and wait on Him.
Waiting is no fun.
Waiting is not easy.
Waiting is traumatic.
Waiting is frustrating.
Waiting is suffocating.
But waiting is also therapeutic.
Waiting is also strengthens.
Waiting is also grows.
Waiting is also nurtures.
Waiting is also, well, like the old cliché, character building.
Remember the story that the Lord made the Israelite waited forty years in the desert?
Remember Joseph's time as slave and also the time he spent in the prison?
Remember the story about a kind-hearted person who tried to help a caterpillar out of its cocoon?
We heard the stories and bought the t-shirt. Like you pointed out, if Abraham had to waited, there would not have been Ishmael.
It is the journey that He wants us to experience, not the destination. It is through these journeys that He will mold us, prepare us for us to receive what is installed at the destination. He is using this period to not just prepare us but others as well. Could He is using this period of waiting to prepare your parents?
I sometimes wonder, why it's easier for some of us to hand over our finances to our Lord but find it so hard to hand over our future partners and marriages to Him? Are we surrendering Him part of our lives but not the whole part? I am learning, I am slowly learning to take back seat and let Him have the wheels and bring me to places and adventures I never have thought I would have end up with.
Yes, I do occasionally get 'those' questions and pressure from my parents too, especially being the eldest son in the family. I will imagine it will be even harder for women at our age. In fact we all do it at this age, don't we? We even ask our friends and peers about the question, and that was what got both of us into this conversation in the first place, right? :P
That's typical of us Asian, isn't?
Maybe it's time that we change our mindset. Though, it does have some social advantage in starting a family early, but as I was writing this I was reminded of Sarah and Elizabeth who were barren and were blessed with children in their old age. I'm not saying that we are barren or to bear children in old age, this is one of many examples that show He will take care of us if we are faithful and obedient to Him. I am sure His plan for us will include the plans for our children too.
The generation that we are in now differs from that of our parents and even of our grandparents. Our grandparents with minimal education, started work in their teens in the fields, helping out they parents, came down all the way from homeland to settle down in some foreign lands just to make a living. They were men and women with responsibility and some were bread winners for their families by the time they are 14 or even younger. When it came to our parents' generation, while most of our parents if fortunate get at least a secondary education, most started to work and start to help up in family business by the age of 17.
When it came to our time, most of us now guaranteed at least a secondary education and most job now requires you to have a decent university degree and by then time we are out to work we will be of the average age of 24. Most of us are just starting to get our lives together, trying to adjust to the working world, and trying to take on 'real' responsibility at this age. Compared to our grandparents, by this time they already have a couple of children. Isn't it the time we change the benchmark?
Okay, that's enough excuses. Hehehe. So nowadays when I am asked about the question, I will just smile at them and keep the words to myself. Sometime I wish I could tell them, my parents, and my family in the way that they will understand that I am waiting on Him. I wish they will understand that I rather marry late, even if it take me over my forties, than having a marriage which is not an honour to Him and not blessed by them.
Lord, help us to honour You and also our parents! Help us to obediently surrender every expect of our live to You. You want the whole of us and not part of us. You want us to trust You in everything, and not just the things that we feel that we can trust you with, not just the things that we are comfortable in letting go. Help us, Lord!
This journey ahead may not be easy (most certainly it won't) but we can continue to encourage one another and keep each others in prayers. We can take comfort that He will be there with every single step we take. Every heartache and every joy, every failure and every success, He is and will be there with us. Praise the Lord!
Our Dear Heavenly Father,
I want to thank You Lord that we come as brother and sister and call You our Lord, our Father and our Friend. Thank You, Lord, for this gift of fellowship which we are united in Your one Spirit. It is Your command that we are to encourage one another, to keep each other in prayers, and also keeping each other accountable. Your Word says, "Let us not give up meeting together, ... , but let us encourage one another" (Hebrews 10:25) and "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it" (1 Corinthians 12:26). Let us continue to be a blessing to one another, an encouragement or just being there for one another.
Thank you for the gift of our families. Thank you for our earthly parents, for it is them who thought us the first meaning of love. It is also through them You taught us the meaning of trust and honour. Lord, as we strive to continue to honour them as our parents. I pray that You will make the way for us that they will come to understanding and in agreement.
Lord, grant us the patience and strength to persevere to wait on You. Oh, how many times had we wanted to go our ways, take things into our control and according to our timing? Lord, we know that You have only the best for us, You are the one who laid foundation to all creation and existence. Everything will fall into place if when we trust You more and have that faith to hand everything it over to You, Lord.
When You made us, You did not wish us to be alone, apart for the few who You have chosen and gave the gift of celibacy. We all long for life partner for a person who will share our life here on earth. I pray that You will lead us to build a relationship which will be pleasing in Your Eyes. Which will be a blessing to You, which will glorify Your Name even more, that the relationship will not only edify the two who are in it but also to the others around. I pray that it will not hinder either party to serve You instead it will bring synergy and breakthroughs to Your ministry.
And for the rest of our families who have not come to know You, who have fell away from You, Lord, we pray that You will reveal Yourself personally to them. You know in our hearts, how much we long for them to come into Your Kingdom. Let us continue to be the beacon of light in our own families. It's tough, and it's not easy to be the 'role model' but help us Lord. Sustain us, Lord, guard us, Lord, help us, Lord, as we surrender ourselves to You.
Nothing is impossible with You, Lord.
Thank You, Lord, in Jesus' name, Amen.
This has really been a long mail and I pray that it will in some way be blessing to you as it have been to me to write this. I will end by sharing with you this piece written by Clair Cloninger and Don Moen.
May His be please with everything we do. God Bless.
Kuan Cheen
I Offer My Life
Clair Cloninger & Don Moen
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, all of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you
What can we give
That you have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already yours?
All we possess
Are these lives we're living
That's what we give to you, Lord
>> original post
posted by Kuan Cheen
@ 7/26/2006 04:46:00 PM
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